


Same Problem

by Ckatmyla



Category: Disenchantment (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 21:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20842640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ckatmyla/pseuds/Ckatmyla
Summary: Luci can't help himself. Not from wanting to get between Bean and some random guy, and not from finally telling someone about why that is.Too bad it had to be Elfo.





	Same Problem

At Luci's Inferno, last call didn't always mean 'last call'. Almost never, come to think of it. There were always stragglers still nursing whatever their chosen poison of the night was, the few hopeless losers still scrambling to get some action before the evening was through, and of course Luci's best customer and closest friend, Bean. Oh, and Elfo. He was usually there, too.

It was those last couple of things that were of-notice as Luci started what he referred to as 'cleaning up to close'. He would always laugh to himself when he told people that. It was his own private joke. In about twenty minutes he'd grab the hose from the back and spray the entire bar down with water, whether or not those dopes were still there.

This night, however, Luci contemplated spraying some of them down with his finest booze and lighting the jerks on fire. Actually it was just one particular jerk. One that wouldn't leave Bean alone.

Luci could see him over there at her table, leaning over her and acting like he invented that move.

“Pfft,” he huffed in the general direction of the display. “That jerk's been bothering Bean all night. He thinks he really has a chance with her.”

He hadn't actually been talking to anyone, but as Elfo was close by and also within sight of Bean and this dude he started directing his words to him.

“I mean, am I right?”

Elfo – who had clearly not been paying attention as he nursed his chocolate milk – glanced over to where Luci was looking.   
“I don't know, Luci. I don't know much about human standards of beauty, but that guy is pretty hot.”

Luci's eye narrowed as he saw the jerk lean in to whisper something in Bean's ear. Elfo was right about one thing, he didn't know what the human hotness standard was. Especially not for Bean.

“Plus he kinda seems like her type. Big, manly, and he looks kinda dumb.”

“Oh, so like the opposite of you,” Luci quipped. It was pretty common banter between them, but it was also something he did to try and deflect.

“Oh haha. I get it, I have no chance with Bean either. You know...”  
But Luci had tuned him out. The jerkface was now sitting on the table, leaning in closer to her. Luci heard her laugh ring out through the now nearly-empty bar. Bean's laugh was like a crazed donkey butchering a pig. Loud, nasally, and all over the place. It was exactly the kind of laugh they'd use as a torture weapon in Hell.

God, Luci loved it.

He saw her half-lidded gaze look the jerk up and down, she said something to him that made his smile grow more mischievous. It was hard to ignore the look she was giving him, one that the jerk was beginning to share. They were just drunk, that was all. She was just way too drunk to even know what she was doing. Although he told himself that, the fact that Luci knew he was lying made his stomach turn.

“Hey, Luci, are you even listening?” Luci heard Elfo call to him from a foot away, but his eye was still trained on Bean and this idiot she was with. This idiot who was now laying a hand to rest on her knee, sliding it up to her thigh, and then---

“O-kay, I think it's time for Captain Cockblock,” he turned the elf's face towards them. “Elfo do your thing.”

“What, what do you mean?” he asked. He may not have known it at that moment, but Luci was looking for a reason to slap somebody, and Elfo was far too close to be making a face that dumb.

“Aren't you still hung up on her? Don't you wanna – I don't know – jump in and stop her from doing something stupid with a guy she doesn't know?”

“Oh, I'm still into her, but I'm taking things slow, playing the long game."

“But we're also her friends, shouldn't we be, like, looking out for her and shit?”

Elfo raised an eyebrow at Luci's rising tone.

“She's a grown woman, Luci. As much as I hate to admit it, she can make her own decisions. She's free to boink a complete stranger if she wants to, he said before adding, “You know, for now. Until the long game gets played. By me.”

Rage rattled through Luci's entire demon body. He knew the elf could be unhelpful at the best of times, but he didn't think Elfo could screw up the one thing Luci could count on. Being the fall guy for him. 

"Argh, you are completely useless, do you know that!?" He grabbed Elfo by his shirt, causing Bean and the jerk to halt their sloppy foreplay momentarily to glance their way.

For a second Bean's eyes landed on Luci's, a flash of concern rising up there through the fog of drink. But then the jerk had his other hand on her chin, directing her gaze back to him. Luci debated whether or not he had a heart, but he felt something sinking inside him.

Eye back down to Elfo, Luci loosened his grip and let him go.

"Geez Luci, I didn't know you cared so much."

Luci turned away and began to hop off the bar.

"I don't. You're right. She can do what she wants, or who she wants. Nothing we can do. It's not like we matter. I mean we're just her friends."

As he landed on the floor and neared the back door, he realized Elfo was following him.

"I mean, you give up something like immortality for somebody you'd think some people might be a little more grateful."

"I'm grateful," Elfo said.

Luci let out his frustration at himself with a sigh. 

"Yeah, I know."

"And you know Bean is too."

Elfo looked like he was about to put his tiny green hand on Luci's shoulder, so Luci stepped a few inches out of reach.

"Look, I don't know what your problem with Bean is or why you're mad at her, but---"

"I'm not---" Luci shouted, interrupting whatever inane platitude Elfo was about to express.

He started over, one hand on the door frame, turning his eye back to the elf. 

"I'm not mad at Bean, okay? It's just that I don't think--- I mean she shouldn't--- I don't want to see her make mistakes."

Elfo blinked at him. "But… isn't that what you're supposed to want her to do, make bad choices?"

He had him there. Luci couldn't explain it. He couldn't explain how ever since they got back from Hell, Luci could feel something shifting inside him. He couldn't mention how weirdly protective he'd grown towards Bean. How much it warmed some dark, cold part of him he didn't even know he had whenever she smiled with that ridiculously adorable buck tooth grin. How much of an idiot he felt like every time he caught himself staring at the stray hairs that sometimes fell over her freckles.

Well, he could, but he really didn't want to. Especially not to Elfo. 

"Not with that guy. Or any guy."

Elfo seemed to be waiting for him to say something else, which caused Luci to sigh with another bout of frustration.  
"Ugh, do I have to spell it out for you?" He said, not waiting for an answer. If he was going to have to admit it, he might as well do it quick.

"You wanna know what my problem is? My problem is that I have the same one as you."

It took an excruciatingly long time for Elfo to comprehend his statement. Luci could almost see his two brain cells working over time in his tiny elf skull.

"Wait...you--- you like Bean, too?"

Luci looked down at the floor, uncertain who he was more frustrated at, Elfo for taking so long or himself for finally admitting out loud what he had known for months.

"...Yeah," was all he could muster up to say.

There was a pause, and then Elfo made a noise that Luci had never heard before and never wanted to hear again.  
"Eee!" He squealed. "That means we're crush brothers!"  
He then grabbed Luci and did some crushing himself with a hug.

"We--- are--- not!" Luci strained from the hug.  
Finally Elfo let go, giving Luci the chance to grab his sharp, pointy tail and slam Elfo to a wall, the pointy end at the elf's throat.

"And if you tell anyone - especially Bean - I will kill you and this time not only will we not come back to Hell for you, but I'll pull what little favors I still have down there to make sure you have the worst possible torture imaginable. The kind they save for pedophiles and people who talk in the theater."

"Okay, okay!" Elfo gulped. "I got it! If I tell I go to Hell!"  
Luci lowered his tail and backed away. 

"Good."

He then turned to find the hose where he always left it next to the back door.

"...so you can be alone to try and smooch Bean," he heard Elfo mutter sarcastically under his breath.

"Don't make me regret telling you," he said as he began unwinding the hose.

"Got it… crush brother."

It took all that he had for Luci to let that one slide. Luci knew he probably hadn't made the right decision but if there was one thing about Elfo, he could trust him to keep his word. 

Thinking back to what might be waiting for him inside the bar, he threw the hose at Elfo, hitting his friend in the stomach and knocking the wind out of him.

"Here, you clean up tonight. I'm going to have a smoke then go to bed."

Elfo seemed to understand why this was his task now for the night. He gave Luci a thumbs up and an annoying wink that he hoped wouldn't become a habit.

At least Luci could find some comfort in the fact that he wasn't alone. But he'd be re-damned if he ever called Elfo his 'crush brother'.

**Author's Note:**

> If this does well I might rework it into a longer fic. But I really just wanted to share this and I couldn't sleep until I did.


End file.
